Hebrews 13:1

I sat down to read my Bible a few mornings ago. Coffee, pen and paper, Scripture. 


Hebrews 13 was where I started reading - directed there by another book. I read verse 1 and actually Laughed Out Loud. It would depend on which translation of scripture you read as to whether you might see the humor as clearly as I did. I read TNIV and The Message usually. 


Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Hebrew 13:1. 

Isn't that wonderfully grace-filled? How many brothers and sisters that you know have a squeaky, shiny, perfectly peace-filled relationship? Yeah, I thought so. And do you suppose 2000 years has changed this all that much? Me either. 


I can't even begin to think about how many times I've read 13:1 and pictured all the perfect things about the perfect family that I am constantly measuring myself against. And as a mom how many times I've used this to measure how peaceably my children are living together (and what that means about my success or failure as a mom). 


Families, being the smallest microcosm of community, are ultra-messy. There are far fewer places to hide our sinfulness in a small ranch home. We bicker. We quarrel. We raise voices and stomp away. But the bottom line is that we are still in the small, ranch home. Committed. And going to work it out, even in the mess. 


And this is how the church is to love one another. Not with the shininess of June Cleaver, but the messiness of small-spaced, laundry-littered commitment. Just as brothers and sisters do. 

Why I Test

Homeschooling in Maine offers several options for 'end of year' evaluation. You can choose a variety of 'test' options and 'portfolio' options.

Last year, for the first time, I opted for the 'portfolio' option. This was an AMAZING experience for me and really helped me to see all that we had accomplished. It ended our school year with more of a celebration feeling rather than a dragging myself over the finish line feeling. I hope to wrap up with something similar this year.

But this year, this week in fact, I am back to testing. I put only a little stock in what these tests will report to me. I don't believe they represent what my kids (and I) are learning. I will pull out Caleb's tests from fourth grade (he did public school in fifth grade, and sixth grade was a portfolio review) and compare a few things - mostly out of curiosity.

I choose to test the kids because tests exist. In our homeschool, we rarely test and quiz. I evaluate largely by one on one observation and careful selection of curriculum. When my kids make their decisions about the future, though, it won't work for Mom to show up at the SSAT and say this is what I've observed my child doing. It won't work for the SAT or the GRE.

I see testing as a supplement to our curriculum. A crash course in test taking - that also happens to satisfy the states requirement for annual evaluation. Those bubbles may not show what we're doing, but they are important tools to know how to handle.

This is my son's fourth fifth experience with the tests. He is taking it in stride, but he didn't during his first experience. I remember loving taking the IOWA tests in school - that's just the kind of learner/performer I was - and the system had primed me to do well. Both he and I learned a lot about each other and ourselves during that first year.

My Anna is having a hard time this week. Her need to have perfect and complete work is being completely kicked in the butt. It is not the first time I have seen this in her, but it is heartbreaking to watch. The bonus about this agony is that I can pray for her during the test, and debrief with her SPECIFICALLY after the test. Both she and Caleb are getting a lot of bonus lessons in test taking strategy while the experience is fresh.


Sofia is also taking tests this week. If you have met her you will understand when I say that test taking isn't a problem for her so much as the fact that she isn't the one administering the tests. :)

From Sunday

One of the things that I love about where we live is the easy access to this trail network at Colby College. On Sunday, we took our first walk of 2012. When we moved here 7 years ago, I had one on my back, and the other two kids had short little legs. This year it took about fifteen minutes to get to 'The Bridge" because everyone has grown! Time to expand our hiking experiences. 

As I've (casually) studied the Enneagram, I have learned that for my type (9/Peacemaker) it is critical to reconnect with nature. 

I totally agree with the Enneagram (and not just because I am a 9/Peacemaker). My spirit settles and soars at the same time when I am surrounded by nature. It is also the hardest thing for me to prioritize.

So starting in May, instead of swim lessons for our homeschool PE we will be doing some 'intentional hiking. 

Even though they have grown up they haven't lost their love of Pooh Sticks - and a million variations on that theme. I LOVE this picture of all three of them.

I lost my voice...

It was good strategy. It made sense. It was the New Year. So I signed up for the free blogging course. In 12 weeks I was going to have a fresh approach and renewed voice on my blog.

I was careful in my choice. I looked at many. I prayed. I thought it was a good fit.

But it wasn't.

There was nothing innately Bad about this course. It just wasn't what I was looking for. And instead of just unsubscribing or throwing out the emails AS SOON as I realized this wasn't helping, I dug in my heels and committed to 'FINISHING THIS THING'. So each time I read (or skimmed) I became less and less clear on what I was going to offer AND if what I had to offer was worth it.

Towards the end of the 12 weeks, I did begin to just throw them out. And unsubscribed from the writer's blog. Because it was becoming clear to me that this wasn't not just not helping, but it was harming my journey in BlogVille.

The phrase 'I lost my voice' came to me when I visited my parents chicken house last week. They keep about a dozen chickens and have off and on since I was in high school. (At the time I wasn't fond of the chores connected to the birds - including shoveling out a winters worth of droppings - Dad was not sexist in doling out chores). But now I often will visit the henhouse when I visit my parents immersing myself in the warm smell accompanied by the noises of birds. They really are beautiful.

Anyhow, on Easter, when I visited the chickens, one bird stood apart and crowed at me with determination. But no noise came from her throat. Again and again she tried to make some noise, and again and again she looked like a baby bird waiting for a worm.

I've never really had a severe case of laryngitis. I don't know what work a patient goes through to get back a voice. Liquids and rest?  (I have even less idea what that dear hen had wrong and how/if it will be righted.)

I'm on Hour 8 of a 30ish Hour Retreat. Marc is with the kids and I am at a hotel not too far away. So the rest is beginning. And with a couple great books and some writing the nourishment is in process as well.

Live Music

Today was not a great day. I was tired. I was grumpy because of snow and rain and gray and ... and ... and .... It was blah. Blah. BLah.

It all turned around around 6pm. When the Jr. High Jazz band began to play Swamp Monster.

It wasn't just a 'it got less blah' turn around. It was a sit on my seat, move to the music, grin like a fool in love kind of turn around. I'm pretty sure that if you measured my heart rate, it not only would have sounded healthier, it would have sounded happier.

I forget this. But every time I around live music, from the Junior High Jazz band surrounded with family to community to Natalie MacMaster on a special night out with a friend, my spirit is healed and raised up to soaring.

I don't know if music does this for everyone.

But I do believe that everyone has something that does this for them.

What Wakes you up? Can you do it this weekend?

John Bunyan

Marc and I have had this book for longer than we have been married. It is a compilation from the folks at Renovare - our very favorite small group resource. My 2012 intentions include thoughtfully reading parts of this book. 

Most recently, I read excerpts from John Bunyan. John Bunyan was gifted to preach in a time when only those with the right pedigree and connections were allowed to. Consequently, he spent a lot of time in jail where he wrote what he is most known for -  "The Pilgrim's Progress". These quotes aren't from TPP, but even weeks later still have me thinking a lot about the stewardship of my life. (bold is my emphasis, and my favorite part)

"I began to see that the Holy Spirit never intended that people who had gifts and abilities should bury them in the earth, but rather, he commanded and stirred up such people to the exercise of their gift and sent out to work those who were able and ready. And so, although I was most unworthy of all the saints, I set upon this work."

"I perceived that although gifts are good to accomplish the task they are designed for - the edification of others - yet they are empty and without power to save the soul unless God is using them. And having gifts is no sign of a person's relationship to God. This also made me see that gifts are dangerous things, not in themselves, but because of those evils of pride and vainglory that attend them. Blown up with the applause of ill-advised Christians, the poor creatures who possess these gifts can easily fall into the condemnation of the Devil.
Gifts are desirable, but great grace and small gifts are better than great gifts and no grace. The Bible does not say that the Lord gives gifts and glory, but that he gives grace and glory. Blessed is everyone to whom the Lord gives true grace, for that is a certain forerunner of glory."

John Bunyan (1628-1688)

Multiplication

I remember how I felt in third grade when introduced to multiplication. The stomach/head anxiety multiplication gave me is still a sharp shadow. Not getting it. Not getting it. Day after day. The whole year.

I don't remember ever receiving a failing grade or my parents being called in for a conference. But I remember that year knowing that this didn't make sense to me and that it terrified me. (So did my teacher that year, but that's not part of this story.)

I believe it was the first time in school something was hard for me. And I didn't know how to ask for help.

I had built the habits, rewarded by the school, of being a quick, independent learner.  Well, not really learner. More of a performer. I had acquired no learning skills.

For the rest of my academic career, I continued on the same path. Mostly it was easy. But when it wasn't, I knew there was something terribly wrong with me, and I would rather live in fear and anxiety than admit it to an adult that I needed help or clarification.

The habits are still pretty similar, though with the coaxing of Marc (for 17years!) and the learning environment we are trying to provide for our kids, I am beginning to become a true learner.

 I just last year began to not feel stupid when I had so say 'I don't understand, please tell me that again.' And the amazing thing is that no one has ever walked away from the conversation or the friendship because I asked for help.

Roman Shade #2

Last May,  I shared my success story with shade #1.

Yesterday, only 8 months later, I finished and mounted (with Marc's help) shade #2.

The directions and details are in the May post. This second shade was made the same way, but the window was bigger so I had new math to figure out. This window is wide enough so the 4ft dowels that I used for the ribs in the first shade wouldn't work. For some reason, that was a real hang up for me. The solution, make the rib sleeves a little wider, and use two dowels that meet and overlap in the middle of the sleeve. 

This was also a very interrupted project. And each time I began to work on it, I had to figure it out for what felt like the first time again. (Life lesson in there, somewhere.)

But it is done now. 

And adds lovely color and privacy to my sweet girls room.

Married to a Traveller, or Thoughts about Courage

A little while ago, Marc wrote about being married and traveling for work. I responded with a he said/she said blog post. At that time I realized (again) that I have so much to say about being married to a traveller.

One of the most common responses I get from people when they hear that Marc is traveling AGAIN is 'how haaarrrrd' that must be for me. There are a number of assumptions that people are making when they say this.

(isn't he cute?)

The first assumption is that I had no or little input into the decision that Marc would travel. This couldn't be a further from the truth. If anything, my input weighed more than his desire. In each opportunity, it has been talked through, prayed through, talked through some more. I know that if I sense a 'no', a 'not now', or a 'it's too much' that that matters a great deal to Marc.

The second assumption is that this is a new habit of his. But in reality - he has been traveling as long as we have been married. I have been doing the married to a traveller thing for 17 years.

The third assumption is that it is helpful and empathetic to tell me how haarrdd that must be. Does that even make sense? What if, when you told me you had to take the kids to the doctor, then take the dog to the vet,  and then had to make supper for you and Great Aunt Louise I turned to you and said 'That must be so haarrd.' How would you feel if, when you told me you had to do laundry, finish an article, and get to the gym I turned around and said 'that must be so haarrrd'.

The reality is, we all do hard things. For some of us, getting out of bed in the morning takes a great act of perseverance and courage. For some of us, we send our kids to school or we homeschool our kids. We write in places where people we don't know and people we do know are able to read it.

Yes, our lifestyle is hard. It is much harder now that we have three kids that are home schooled. Even when Marc is home, it is hard.

We have made the choice to not be stopped by hard. We have built a history of hard things we did that turned out really well and some not so well. In every hard thing we grew - as individuals, as a couple, as disciples. Even in this hard season, we are holding to the expectation that we are strong and that God is stronger.

The next reality is that we are all strong people. We have learned to sit, crawl, walk, feed ourselves, read, talk, engage. No, we don't necessarily celebrate all of those things in our daily lives now, but those are our roots of strength and greatness.

Each day we get to choose what courageous thing we will do. Dealing with a client or a 6 year old, having an honest conversation with a loved one, choosing not to have a conversation with another loved one, stopping the endless office work to do something that we love. All acts of courage. And courage builds upon courage builds upon courage.

Meals

Earlier this month, I had everyone in my family make a list of their favorite foods: breakfast, lunch, supper, snacks, treats, fruits and veggies. I asked them to aim for 7 in most categories, and asked them not to talk to each other about it. At the end of the day, I compiled all the lists using a different color for each person.
I put all the 'like' things together, so I now have a complete list of what my family, including myself, really likes to eat.

This was a really helpful exercise. I was surprised at what was included and what wasn't included, pleasantly. Each list also represented the personality and age of each of my brood - what an unexpected treasure. And they are all pretty good eaters, so there wasn't a lot of just 'garbage' on their lists.

My plan, my hope, had been to take the results of that list, and put together a rotating menu of 10 -15 dinners that we just do over and over again. I decided at the last minute to ask them about their other favorites because it couldn't hurt to have that information, right?

(Animal Kingdom, 2011)

I lose so much time and creative energy planning menu's and grocery lists. As much as I want to be as cool as all my foodie friends, I just don't have the energy, time, or grace for it, not right now. Every time I sit with the intent to make an interesting eating plan, I get overwhelmed. I have great cookbooks, great online resources, and great friends that share their love of food and health with me. And no passion or love for the art and science of meals and food. I just don't love it. I wish I loved it. I wish I had a compelling desire to eat and cook super smart. I wish I were as cool as this blogger, or as wonderful as that MomOverThere.

And did you catch that line of thinking? How easily I slipped into that deadly comparing game, with me on the low side of the comparison? It was when I heard that as the motivating voice in my head that I knew I needed to pull out of the game until I could play healthy - head healthy.

Homeschooling three kids at three very different levels, with each of them needed to be driven to multiple activities each week, and a husband that is travelling a lot - we need something that works more than we need something that is beautiful and at harmony with the foodie universe. And I need to get some streamline somewhere in my game because I need to get some for the the things I Am passionate about.

Don't hear me saying that I intend to fill up our lives with entirely horrible food, because that's not what's going to happen, either. Now that I know what we all love, I'll build a menu that is based on that and on what I can do.

I expect that each season will be a good time to have everyone do their lists again. I expect that this routine will give us the creative space to try new things AND enjoy it every once in awhile. I also expect that having a repeating pattern of meals will give me more opportunities to get the kids involved in making the meals until they can do most of it themselves - a great homeschool perk.

This year, my kitchen game is going to get simpler, and a little boring, and a lot more peaceful.