It was good strategy. It made sense. It was the New Year. So I signed up for the free blogging course. In 12 weeks I was going to have a fresh approach and renewed voice on my blog.
I was careful in my choice. I looked at many. I prayed. I thought it was a good fit.
But it wasn't.
There was nothing innately Bad about this course. It just wasn't what I was looking for. And instead of just unsubscribing or throwing out the emails AS SOON as I realized this wasn't helping, I dug in my heels and committed to 'FINISHING THIS THING'. So each time I read (or skimmed) I became less and less clear on what I was going to offer AND if what I had to offer was worth it.
Towards the end of the 12 weeks, I did begin to just throw them out. And unsubscribed from the writer's blog. Because it was becoming clear to me that this wasn't not just not helping, but it was harming my journey in BlogVille.
The phrase 'I lost my voice' came to me when I visited my parents chicken house last week. They keep about a dozen chickens and have off and on since I was in high school. (At the time I wasn't fond of the chores connected to the birds - including shoveling out a winters worth of droppings - Dad was not sexist in doling out chores). But now I often will visit the henhouse when I visit my parents immersing myself in the warm smell accompanied by the noises of birds. They really are beautiful.
Anyhow, on Easter, when I visited the chickens, one bird stood apart and crowed at me with determination. But no noise came from her throat. Again and again she tried to make some noise, and again and again she looked like a baby bird waiting for a worm.
I've never really had a severe case of laryngitis. I don't know what work a patient goes through to get back a voice. Liquids and rest? (I have even less idea what that dear hen had wrong and how/if it will be righted.)
I'm on Hour 8 of a 30ish Hour Retreat. Marc is with the kids and I am at a hotel not too far away. So the rest is beginning. And with a couple great books and some writing the nourishment is in process as well.