Multiplication

I remember how I felt in third grade when introduced to multiplication. The stomach/head anxiety multiplication gave me is still a sharp shadow. Not getting it. Not getting it. Day after day. The whole year.

I don't remember ever receiving a failing grade or my parents being called in for a conference. But I remember that year knowing that this didn't make sense to me and that it terrified me. (So did my teacher that year, but that's not part of this story.)

I believe it was the first time in school something was hard for me. And I didn't know how to ask for help.

I had built the habits, rewarded by the school, of being a quick, independent learner.  Well, not really learner. More of a performer. I had acquired no learning skills.

For the rest of my academic career, I continued on the same path. Mostly it was easy. But when it wasn't, I knew there was something terribly wrong with me, and I would rather live in fear and anxiety than admit it to an adult that I needed help or clarification.

The habits are still pretty similar, though with the coaxing of Marc (for 17years!) and the learning environment we are trying to provide for our kids, I am beginning to become a true learner.

 I just last year began to not feel stupid when I had so say 'I don't understand, please tell me that again.' And the amazing thing is that no one has ever walked away from the conversation or the friendship because I asked for help.

Roman Shade #2

Last May,  I shared my success story with shade #1.

Yesterday, only 8 months later, I finished and mounted (with Marc's help) shade #2.

The directions and details are in the May post. This second shade was made the same way, but the window was bigger so I had new math to figure out. This window is wide enough so the 4ft dowels that I used for the ribs in the first shade wouldn't work. For some reason, that was a real hang up for me. The solution, make the rib sleeves a little wider, and use two dowels that meet and overlap in the middle of the sleeve. 

This was also a very interrupted project. And each time I began to work on it, I had to figure it out for what felt like the first time again. (Life lesson in there, somewhere.)

But it is done now. 

And adds lovely color and privacy to my sweet girls room.

Married to a Traveller, or Thoughts about Courage

A little while ago, Marc wrote about being married and traveling for work. I responded with a he said/she said blog post. At that time I realized (again) that I have so much to say about being married to a traveller.

One of the most common responses I get from people when they hear that Marc is traveling AGAIN is 'how haaarrrrd' that must be for me. There are a number of assumptions that people are making when they say this.

(isn't he cute?)

The first assumption is that I had no or little input into the decision that Marc would travel. This couldn't be a further from the truth. If anything, my input weighed more than his desire. In each opportunity, it has been talked through, prayed through, talked through some more. I know that if I sense a 'no', a 'not now', or a 'it's too much' that that matters a great deal to Marc.

The second assumption is that this is a new habit of his. But in reality - he has been traveling as long as we have been married. I have been doing the married to a traveller thing for 17 years.

The third assumption is that it is helpful and empathetic to tell me how haarrdd that must be. Does that even make sense? What if, when you told me you had to take the kids to the doctor, then take the dog to the vet,  and then had to make supper for you and Great Aunt Louise I turned to you and said 'That must be so haarrd.' How would you feel if, when you told me you had to do laundry, finish an article, and get to the gym I turned around and said 'that must be so haarrrd'.

The reality is, we all do hard things. For some of us, getting out of bed in the morning takes a great act of perseverance and courage. For some of us, we send our kids to school or we homeschool our kids. We write in places where people we don't know and people we do know are able to read it.

Yes, our lifestyle is hard. It is much harder now that we have three kids that are home schooled. Even when Marc is home, it is hard.

We have made the choice to not be stopped by hard. We have built a history of hard things we did that turned out really well and some not so well. In every hard thing we grew - as individuals, as a couple, as disciples. Even in this hard season, we are holding to the expectation that we are strong and that God is stronger.

The next reality is that we are all strong people. We have learned to sit, crawl, walk, feed ourselves, read, talk, engage. No, we don't necessarily celebrate all of those things in our daily lives now, but those are our roots of strength and greatness.

Each day we get to choose what courageous thing we will do. Dealing with a client or a 6 year old, having an honest conversation with a loved one, choosing not to have a conversation with another loved one, stopping the endless office work to do something that we love. All acts of courage. And courage builds upon courage builds upon courage.

Meals

Earlier this month, I had everyone in my family make a list of their favorite foods: breakfast, lunch, supper, snacks, treats, fruits and veggies. I asked them to aim for 7 in most categories, and asked them not to talk to each other about it. At the end of the day, I compiled all the lists using a different color for each person.
I put all the 'like' things together, so I now have a complete list of what my family, including myself, really likes to eat.

This was a really helpful exercise. I was surprised at what was included and what wasn't included, pleasantly. Each list also represented the personality and age of each of my brood - what an unexpected treasure. And they are all pretty good eaters, so there wasn't a lot of just 'garbage' on their lists.

My plan, my hope, had been to take the results of that list, and put together a rotating menu of 10 -15 dinners that we just do over and over again. I decided at the last minute to ask them about their other favorites because it couldn't hurt to have that information, right?

(Animal Kingdom, 2011)

I lose so much time and creative energy planning menu's and grocery lists. As much as I want to be as cool as all my foodie friends, I just don't have the energy, time, or grace for it, not right now. Every time I sit with the intent to make an interesting eating plan, I get overwhelmed. I have great cookbooks, great online resources, and great friends that share their love of food and health with me. And no passion or love for the art and science of meals and food. I just don't love it. I wish I loved it. I wish I had a compelling desire to eat and cook super smart. I wish I were as cool as this blogger, or as wonderful as that MomOverThere.

And did you catch that line of thinking? How easily I slipped into that deadly comparing game, with me on the low side of the comparison? It was when I heard that as the motivating voice in my head that I knew I needed to pull out of the game until I could play healthy - head healthy.

Homeschooling three kids at three very different levels, with each of them needed to be driven to multiple activities each week, and a husband that is travelling a lot - we need something that works more than we need something that is beautiful and at harmony with the foodie universe. And I need to get some streamline somewhere in my game because I need to get some for the the things I Am passionate about.

Don't hear me saying that I intend to fill up our lives with entirely horrible food, because that's not what's going to happen, either. Now that I know what we all love, I'll build a menu that is based on that and on what I can do.

I expect that each season will be a good time to have everyone do their lists again. I expect that this routine will give us the creative space to try new things AND enjoy it every once in awhile. I also expect that having a repeating pattern of meals will give me more opportunities to get the kids involved in making the meals until they can do most of it themselves - a great homeschool perk.

This year, my kitchen game is going to get simpler, and a little boring, and a lot more peaceful.

We Did It.

When you get in a car on a first date, and your date has to move Amway training tapes out of your way, you have a decision to make. Get out and run. Go on the date and never return another call. Or pay attention to all that caused you to say yes to the first date, and see if there is something to learn.

17 years ago, I decided on the last option. This intelligent man who loved (loves) God passionately and seemed (seems) crazy about me and is thoroughly committed to living life to it's fullest - he was also committed to the Amway business. What I thought that meant at first was that he sold soap - like Vern the old man who used to peddle at my parent's house. What I found out was that it really meant I was falling in love with an entrepreneur - someone who at age 16 committed to having multiple income streams and working for himself.

I could write an entire post on how our marriage (a few months later) was fully blessed and grew so much because of our years committed to our Amway business - maybe I will sometime - but this isn't what I'm here to share today. But you need to understand that when I married Marc, I knew this about him - and knew that it would have an impact on all of our Life Together.

Fast forward 15 years. 3 kids, many moves, several jobs. Marc was approached to run a political campaign for someone we felt passionate enough about to support - in an intense way. It was a crossroads at a perfect time. Marc had been building thefundraisingcoach.com since 2003. There was insurance for our family, so we went for it. It was a risk, a calculated risk, a big risk. But when I married my Amway tape toting man, I knew that there would be times when we had to take a risk (I'm NOT a risk taker, not like that anyway). As much as Marc had stayed in life-sucking, demeaning jobs to serve my need for stability, I knew it was my turn to serve and trust him to make this jump.

The political campaign ended that June - badly and sadly and sooner than we expected. Marc did the cleanup, and we spent the next few months making the best decisions we could. Marc put out feelers to employers, and went to work in earnest at thefundraisingcoach. Each month there was enough. Sometimes just enough. But enough.

That fall we faced some business upsets and some painful learning experiences with a home renovation. We lost a lot of money - or poorly spent a lot of money depending on how you look at it. Money that wasn't ours to mess with.

As things came to a head last December and I cried to my husband that I just needed to know we weren't going to lose the house, I also became aware of how split we were. We were looking for a job AND building thefundraisingcoach.

Prayer, crying, and maybe some foolishness led to "Let's give it a year". If the business isn't growing and supporting us  by next December 18, then we will earnestly look for employment, and close this chapter.

We cleared our mental desks of any other options and we have worked hard - Marc making cold calls, writing, speaking, traveling, cold calls, coaching, writing, speaking, traveling, cold calls, consulting, traveling; and my doing whatever I could do to support this business, with ours kid (you know we homeschool, right), stepping into new roles, taking on more than I thought I could.

Guess what.

It's December 18. We did it. I'm tired. I'm proud of Marc, myself, our kids. And I'm so, so, so glad that we are an entrepreneurial, self-employed family.

Thank you Hatch's, Hankey-Sugden's, and Pat Michaud for cheering for us, crying with you, checking in with us. Thank you parents for not telling us how crazy you might have thought we were. Many other folks were online and real-life support - thank you.

Thank you God for loving us so recklessly and trusting us with so much.

Congratulations, Fundraising Coach. I'm so proud of you and can't wait to see where in the world the next 12 months will take us.

Fundraising Coach Kids - you rock. You have no idea how much you motivated and gave to the business this past year. And someday you will be faced with similar decisions - I pray we have walked our path in a  way that inspires you to make courageous (scary, crazy) choices.

(Check out Marc's thoughts as we celebrate our December Independence Day at http://marcpitman.com/2011/12/18/one-year-ago-today/.)

Wishing Well

I drive Caleb to school for band every day. It's a short, very ordinary drive. 5 turns, 2ish stoplights, usually done in about 7 minutes. It's pretty easy to NOT notice anything about the trip after making it hundreds of times.

This week I happened to notice, behind one of the houses we pass, one of those wishing well lawn decorations. The thing that was noticeable about this wishing well was that it was all covered in plastic securely held by rope or plastic.

On the first day I saw this, I thought about how smart the owners were to protect it from the coming Maine winter.

On the second day I thought about how it was kind of ugly.

On the third day I saw it I thought about how sad it was to have to cover up something the owners were clearly fond of in such an ugly way.

Today, I saw it as a Wishing Well Covered, and began to think philosophically about it.

How often do we do the same thing with our wishes and hopes and dreams? They are our my special hopes and dreams. And I certainly don't want to risk the atmospheric challenges that might come from just  putting them out there, do I? How many ways do I cover them up in a protective stance?

So, now I guess I can plan on viewing this Wishing Well icon on my way to the junior high for the rest of the winter. What will I do with my wishes?

Letter to My Future Self, #1

Dear Emily,

Hopefully you will remember to read this when you are a mother of adult children. There are some things you need to remember when you are, and especially if the kids have kids.

Your job, and your approach to your job as mom (and homeschooler) has been to raise up independent, creative individuals with their own opinions and ideas. Your hope for your kids is that they would see, experience, and impact the world wherever they want to and in what ways they discern are best.

Your kids have watched you pursue what you love and feel passionately about and they have every right to expect that to continue in you even as you grow old.

You have told your kids that you will have your own adventures when they are adults. You have promised to yourself and to Marc and to them that your life will be spent living passionately serving God, not desperately seeking grandchildren. You expect yourself to have relationships that fill you and challenge that have no DNA connection to you.

When you were younger (and impossible wise) you didn't really believe in a retirement age. You don't see an age when you will stop to loiter and rest. Slow down, for sure. Need extra help, probably. But stopping your growing and contribution to those around you are inconceivable to you. As long as you can see, you will be able to read out loud to someone. And if you lose your sight you will make up stories, tell stories from memory. And you will always be able to sing and offer an encouraging smile to someone passing by.

Your job is as a parent to adult children is to cheer for them, pray for them, support them. You will disagree with their choices and approaches sometimes. Honor them enough to put aside your experience and opinions and to learn something from them. Honor them enough to remember the many promises you made when you were younger.

PS. Emily, you should make sure the kids have a link to this and future letters to yourself.

PPS. You need to consider and write about honor and humility, too... these admittedly weren't strong considerations when you wrote this.

About NaBloPoMo

Sunflower Waking Up -
makes me happy on a fall day

So, I said I would be writing every day this month. And I haven't written since last Thursday. Since we are half-way through the month, I suppose it's a good day to write about what I've learned about writing and myself so far.

When I plan to do something, I do it. I made a commitment to myself to write every day. And until last Thursday I did. Even if it came to the end of the day and I was getting ready for bed, I would write.

I will keep working until the work is done... and the work never ends. So when I turned off the computer last Thursday night, I opted to not turn it on again until Monday morning. I needed a rest from screen.

Screen makes a lot of lines fuzzy. I can go from writing to shopping to snooping (er, I mean social media).  I am highly distractible. Especially when I am tired. From doing all that work that never gets done.

How am I trying to apply what I've learned?

• Spending the evenings knitting rather than with the laptop.
• Re-examining the wisdom of writing EVERY day.
• Scheduling time in the afternoon to write, or pay bills, or shop (so that I have more bills to pay). 
• Learning the art of using 'drafts' when blogging - so that I can have more than one I'm working on, and am not constantly working on the one that will be published. 
• Sticking to that time. 

These are just ideas, and I'm honestly not sure how long it will take me to apply, how long I will remember the goal... but it's a good start to some good thinking.

First Evening of Hope

Just getting in from Amirah's First Evening of Hope. Over 200 people gathered for the dinner as we commit to do our part in helping survivors of human trafficking.

There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

Humans are bought and sold for labor and sex.

There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

Human trafficking is the number two most profitable crime in the world today, second only to drugs.

There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

Boston is on the top 10 list of US ports of human trafficking.

There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

10,000 humans are trafficked through Boston, each year.


There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

Thank God for organizations that are helping with prevention and rescue.

There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

There are only 100 beds in the US for survivors that get out of slavery. 90 of those are for kids.

There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

10 beds, in the US, for survivors of human trafficking.

There are more slaves in the world today than during the time of the transatlantic slave trade.

Amirah will open it's first house in the Boston area in early 2012. There will be a few more beds, and a whole slew of people working with the survivors to heal, to rediscover themselves, to thrive.

To be Free.

**the website is down for google apps maintenance ... please come back and check the link next week...

k-a-n-g-a-r-o-o

Animal Kingdom 2011

I just began volunteering in Sofia's former kindergarten classroom last week. I loved, loved, loved listening the kids grow as readers last year. So this year, I asked Mrs. L. if I could volunteer again. Sofie goes to music on Wednesday mornings, so during that time, I get to work with Mrs. L.

Today, I listened to 4 or 5 kids read. Then I got to help a few students write their journal entries. Today they were writing about animal mothers and babies.

Can you even dial back to when you were pre-literate? You see these symbols that you are told mean something. There are 26 and you need to learn to write them legibly and know what sound they make. Oh! And remember some of them make more than one sound, and some of them work with other letters and make whole new sounds.

To write a sentence, a child not only needs to master those skills, they need to be able to put together a full sentence in their mind, remember it clearly enough, and then all apply the alphabet skills.

The first little guy that I worked with - chubby with big blue eyes and the sweetest spirit, though he is probably the first to get distracted when something shiny comes by :) He chose to write about kangaroo moms and babies and his sentence was "A kangaroo has a baby joey."

Check out how long kangaroo is! But all the sound (except the 'oo' at the end) are fairly clear if you slow the word way down and listen carefully. So that's what we did. Sound by sound, slowly, carefully, checking his alphabet chart on his desk. But he did it. We got to the end of kangaroo, and I told him 'hey, this oooo sound is tricky, let me tell you about this', and I gave him the 'double o' at the end.

Oh, if I could have captured his face. When he realized that he had spelled 'Kangaroo', he beamed. His eyes said 'oh my goodness, I CAN do this!' Pride was bursting out of all of his little kindergarten self.

Helping kids learn to read and write is like midwife-ing the future.  I am absolutely thrilled that I got to participate in this birth today.