Friday, July 20, 2012
Small Pillow was one of those kind of silly Baby Shower gifts you get. But when it is your first baby, you don't realize that anything is silly because it is all very serious. It was an itty bitty pillow with a place to write all the important information about your baby on it - name, size, birthdate. (I still need to look at it if you want to know what the boy weighed and how long he was.)
It went into his crib. It made the transition to BigBoy Bed. It began to go everywhere with us. If there was a sleep that needed to happen, Small Pillow needed to be there. Not to sleep on, not even to cuddle with, but just kind of to hold. Unless extra cuddling was needed.
I repaired Small Pillow once. This time, it had a big tear down the center. Threads too thin to even handsew it back together.
"Caleb, it might be time to permanently say good-bye to Small Pillow." (It has been in storage for probably over 2 years.)
"We can take pictures of it. Would you like to do that?" (I do not hold onto anything. When I am old, maybe this will cause me grief, but I am the picture of NOT sentimental. We have moved too many times to hold onto things - or to let them hold onto us.)
"Can you fix it?"(Whose son is this? Last month we got rid of a chair that we have had all his life - the Green Chair. The chair when I was too angry to deal with him wisely I would say 'Go sit in the Green Chair'. We took pictures of that, too. And let's not forget when we got our new car this winter - saying goodbye to the only car he remembers.)
I looked at it. Played at the seam. "No, Caleb. It's really not fixable."
"Mom?" (sounding much more like the boy that I used to call L'il Man than the YoungBecomingAdult that I live with) "can we try to put it in a frame?"
Melt my heart.
Caleb let's go of things pretty quickly and keeps a tidy space. He's not a hoarder. But he see's one or two things that maybe they are worth holding onto - at least a little longer. Maybe where I see 'it will hold onto me' as weight, Caleb see's it as buoyancy. And again, my child is teaching me something that has the potential to change my heart.